Friday, 1 April 2011

Flash Friday, Y'all!

Another Friday, another prompt from the brilliant Chuck Wendig.

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2011/03/25/flash-fiction-challenge-the-portrait/

The flash fiction challenge this week was to write a story based on the quite wonderful picture below. Here is my rather late effort!

The Journal of Samuel Forbish

June 14th

I have been living amongst them for almost a month now. We have reached a certain peace. My predecessor, while brilliant, was not an easy man, and I must confess to feeling somewhat disappointed upon our arrival, to find that the number of those who have been brought to God and to Western medicine was not greater.

However, our congregation has swelled considerably since we settled in the little house in the village. Martha has a way with the young women. They like to hear her sing the hymns in her sweet, clear voice, and to help her brush out her pale hair before she pins it up of a morning.

Little William has taken to our new life splendidly. He was withdrawn for a few days when we first disembarked. The heat and strange surroundings unnerved him, I'll warrant, but now he runs and plays with the other children as if he had been here his whole life. Children are so very adaptable and forgiving. Perhaps they truly are closer to God than we.

June 16th

My surgical instruments arrived today as well as paper and ink, supplies of ether, carbolic acid and my box camera. At last I shall be able to properly document village life and the changes we hope to facilitate here. The records and photographs I make will enable my successors to better understand our work and, God willing, our achievements in preserving the bodies and souls of these people.

June 19th

Martha and I attempted to set up the camera in the chapel today, but before we could gather the congregation, one of the village boys came in, saying the elders wished to speak with me. Of course, I am used to their resistance to our teachings, as they – being steeped in the dark beliefs and practices of their ancestors – will have nothing to do with this white man and his bag of tricks.

Although my grasp of the language is improving daily, I must admit there is ample room for misunderstanding when conversing with the elders. They speak quickly and in hushed tones. I felt ill-at-ease standing before them in the mud-walled house, plants and dried flesh hanging in the doorway. The smoke from the burning herbs stung my eyes and the smell was quite overpowering.

They seemed agitated, and there was something extremely disquieting about the way they bowed their heads and lowered their voices when they wished to exclude me from the discussion.

It seems, if I interpreted correctly, that there is a belief amongst many of the villagers that having one’s picture taken is somehow detrimental to the human spirit. I can only assume this stems from some incident in my predecessor’s time, but the elders seem adamant that the likeness produced by the machine can steal the very soul of a person! I shall endeavor to dispel this preposterous notion in the coming days.

June 23rd

Finally succeeded in persuading some of the congregation to sit for portraits. They were all terrified at first, once they saw my intention. Eventually I decided the best way to win their trust was to lead by example. Surely if there were the slightest risk, I reasoned, I would not allow my own son to have his picture taken. So William sat first, his little face somber but relaxed, and once they saw no harm had befallen him, they started, one by one, to acquiesce.

June 26th

There has been an outbreak in the village, though I cannot diagnose the exact ailment. Many of our flock seem listless and without appetite. My own William is quite stricken. Martha sits with him and attempts to spoon feed him as if he were an infant again, but he turns his head from her and stares into the distance. God preserve us.

June 28th

William still sick, as are the other afflicted villagers. I am at a loss. Physically, they seem quite well. Weight loss and dehydration exacerbate their lethargy, but other than this, there seems to be nothing manifest to suggest illness. It is as if they have simply lost the will to live. We all pray this passes quickly.

July 3rd

Three villagers have died since this mysterious sickness started. They simply refused to drink, and I have been too preoccupied with keeping William’s fluids up to attend them. I know I have failed them and ask God for forgiveness. William has shown no improvement. Constant care from Martha preserves him, but he lives now, locked inside himself like some inanimate thing. A doll. God help my son.

July 7th

The village is in chaos. Ten more are dead. I fear for our lives. The elders sent a mob to take my camera and smash it to pieces. They say I have visited this evil upon them and condemned their people to an eternity of suffering. I managed to save my roll of film and, though I am loath to leave, Martha and the boy must be first in my thoughts. We will leave as soon as it can be arranged.

August 20th

London. William alive but barely. All his bones and sinews thrown into stark relief by the ravages of his condition. Martha has not spoken for days. She sits and rocks, his husk of a body clasped to her chest. She looks through me as if I were merely dust motes on the air.

I had my pictures developed. Here is William, his little dress suit, his neatly parted hair. But where his face should be there is a ghastly apparition. His jaw is rent by a terrible scream, not of his making. The very essence of the boy is visible to the naked eye as it is dragged from him by an unseen force, the flesh of his cheeks drawn out into hideous tendrils. It is not possible and yet here it is.

My son is damned. And it was I damned him. God is quiet. We wait.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Pulp Fiction, Baby!




So, I thought I'd step outside of my comfort zone this week and attempt the LOLarious Chuck Wendig's Flash Fiction Challenge - the theme being baby based pulp fiction:

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2011/03/18/flash-fiction-challenge-baby-pulp/

It was FUN! Thanks, Chuck. You will be an awesomesauce dad.

So here is my effort. I may have watched a little too much Boardwalk Empire recently...


Juice by Katie Young


I'm not gonna lie to you. It's been tough since prohibition. A gal like me has to do what she can to lay hands on the good stuff in these dry times. Don't judge me too harshly.

I miss the Halcyon days of sugar rushes. The Little Rascals Day Centre was a swell joint back then – a place of unbridled hedonism and colourin’-fuelled high jinks. Free flowin' Ribena and Sunny D.

Before the Powers That Be shut down our supply.

Miss Jacks used to run Bouncin' Babies. She was a happy-go-lucky broad of the liberal persuasion. She had a sweet face – always a smile, a juice box and a huggle for everyone. Some may say she made too free with the huggles. Got too attached to her charges. Sniffled and bawled when they moved up to Tip-Top Toddlers. Maybe that's what got to her in the end. All those little birds flyin’ the nest. Nursery is no place for the faint hearted.

Now Mrs. Potts rules the roost. That bitch is colder than a witch's tit. You do not wanna get on the wrong side of her. I've heard tell she once sent a baby for a long stretch of time-out in Comfy Corner for droppin’ a sippy cup. Claimed the baby in question willfully threw said beaker. Well, I saw it happen with my own two eyes. It was a freakin' accident.

Like I said – cold.

Mrs. Potts don't agree with juice. She says it rots the teeth and has the worst of us climbin’ the walls. She wants us all sedate and sleepy-like, so we get milk. Well, I only have two teeth and I don't do life in the slow lane. Don't get me wrong. I like milk...except when it's been left in the sun to get warm – bleurgh! Milk has its place. Milk's OK for when you need a little down time, but I don't come to Rascals for naps. I come to play, and play hard.

Of course, bannin’ juice only drove it underground. Bouncin' Babies was a respectable haunt to the casual observer, but once its patrons broke for outdoor play with the rest of Rascals, it was a whole ‘nother story. I'd seen it with my own eyes. Babies in the sandpit bribin’ toddlers with Stickle Bricks for a gulp of Um Bongo. Rogue infants tryin’ to pilfer a squeeze of Capri-Sun from an older kid, only to be boinked on the head with a plastic shovel. Nasty.

And yes, I have been known to offer the odd three-year-old a suck on my binky in return for a shot. A gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do. Like I said – don't judge. It's a jungle out there. A Jungle Gym to be precise.

So I’ve decided enough is enough. Potts' puritanical rule is gettin’ tired and I will be the one to bring it down. But I need an accomplice. Someone who can walk quickly and unaided. Someone with the strength to open a fridge door. Someone with enough hand-eye coordination to exact my devilish plan. And someone with enough of a rep to make a decent patsy if this whole thing blows up in my cute, dimpled face.

The Bruiser. He’s perfect. Almost four with the build of a burly five year old. I see him in a corner of the playground, sittin’ by himself. He’s playin' with a set of Weebles and I try to get his attention by knocking them over. Let me tell you – those bastards may wobble, but dammit they don't fall down. The Bruiser looks up at me with mild annoyance, so I make my eyes as big as they go and giggle. That seems to melt him a little. Then I seal the deal by offerin’ him a sweetener: A red crayon and half an eraser in the shape of a giraffe. He’s putty in my chubby hands.

The next morning, he waddles up to me in the corridor outside Bouncin' Babies and proudly withdraws the bottle of lemon juice he's stolen from home from inside his Huggies pull-up pants. And there was me thinkin’ he was just pleased to see me. I nod in appreciation and burble the next set of instructions, sweet and low, in his ear.

I chuckle to myself when I see Potts pourin’ the mid-morning milk into our sippy cups. If The Bruiser’s done the job properly, it’ll be laced with our own special addition and I know that milk will be as sour as her freakin' face.

He does not disappoint. The first casualties are down within seconds. There’s spittin’ and wailin’ and snottin’ and general unrest. Then comes the pukin’. A dozen babies projectile hurlin’ at once. It’s a total creambath. The best of it is Potts gets caught in the crossfire. A couple of her assistants get a face full of moo juice too. Unfortunate, but they’re necessary sacrifices.

I take cover under a stool that looks like a mushroom and survey the carnage with a wry smile. I’m pretty sure once the parentals get a load of this, we’ll be back swimmin’ in sweet, delicious, non-curdlin' juice in no time…

Monday, 7 March 2011

Bigger Than The Beatles...sort of!

I had to post this as it's not every day you can say you outsold Macca!

Top 10 Bestselling Ether Books Byte Sized Reads last month:
1. A Rocky Road by Rebecca Emin
2. Nessy & Me by Samia Rida
3. Pixie by Katherine Holt
4. She by Louisa Bello
5. Left versus Right by Kay Beer
6. Atelic by Katie Young
7. The End Of Love For Me by Louisa Bello
8. Meat Free Monday by Sir Paul McCartney
9. Race Of Spears - The Art Of Rowing by Josh Raymond
10. The Tenant by Shaun Hutson

Dear The Queen,

I shall be expecting my invite to the palace forthwith!

Cheers,

Pinky.

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Bite Sized Reads


Well, I cannot believe it is March already! 2011 is pressing on lickity split. There has been the usual mix of asshattery and tomfoolery, some of which will make it here in anecdotal form at some point I'm sure.

But very excitingly, I had the chance to take part in another fantastic Are You Sitting Comfortably? night with the wonderful Bernadette & Gareth of White Rabbit (the theme being SEX - saucy!) It was quite a night and packed to the rafters.

I have also had a selection of shorts published by the exciting Ether Books. Do check them out. There are lots of fab authors and wonderful bite sized reads - many of them free (the reads, not the authors...although I'm pretty cheap!) You can't say fairer than that.

I'm working on a few things, one of which is an epic article which may appeal to many of you Supernatural fans. I will post it here, so stay tuned...

A bientot! x

Friday, 25 February 2011

Beleiber Blog: Portrait of Justin 3

This is my new favourite thing:

Beleiber Blog: Portrait of Justin 3: "We've eaten tea. We had soup. I had oxtail, you had cream of mushroom, with bread for dunking. We're doing the dishes together, you're was..."

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Happy Roger Day, Ben!

It is my beloved Ben's birthday, so what better way to celebrate him turning 21 HAHAHAHAHA than with a selection of Roger moments?

Roger is our hero. We genuinely aspire to live like him. We enable and encourage each other in this endeavour, much to the chagrin of our other halves (D2), our code of ethics neatly embodied in that timeless philosophical quandary: What would Roger do? (WWRD?)

LET THE ROGER-FEST COMMENCE!!



































Finally - BEST MOMENT EVER!



Have a spectaculacular birthday, honey. Love ya (and so does Roger)! xxx